Final Fantasy

Me and Lil saw Owen Pallett's Final Fantasy tonight. It was amazing, he was great. I don't go to nearly as many gigs as I used to, I prefer to pick and choose more carefully now, so that the uniqueness of live music is not dulled by repetition. And this gig was a great vindication of that policy!

I think there are people-that-are-in-bands and there are musicians. It's like the difference between hearing and listening. Owen Pallett is a natural musician, full of invention, wit and intelligence. Not just a general intelligence, but a really specific musical one too, one I can't claim to write about with any degree of expertise, but one that I recognise when I see it. It has something to do with being aware of the possibilities of sound, of the notes' flexibility; he has something of the virtuoso about him. Utterly at ease both on a stage and with music, there was an energy in his playing that stemmed from really knowing music and being able to mould it, to make it malleable, not only in compositions but in live performance.

In the past, and occasionally still in the present, I've been rather frustrated with myself for not being great at things. I have an attitude that is basically if I'm going to do something I want to be brilliant at it or not do it at all. The frustration comes from a realisation that I'm never going to be great at whatever it is but not letting go of the desire to kid myself that I could be. Obviously there's a problem here, because no-one's ever great at something when they first try, and if I stuck to this idea religiously, then I would never do anything! But I think also it's good to know what you're good at and what you're not, and to try to accept it. Seeing Owen play tonight reminded me of this -- I would love to be a musician, but if I were ever to do it "properly" then I would want to go to a conservatoire, study under famous composers, collaborate with great musicians, and the like. I'd hate to be in a band where the members could only play their songs and could only play them one way, who were not inventive enough to change arrangements, to move in different directions, to be confident with it. Oasis, basically. I'd feel like I was kidding an audience and even worse kidding myself. So I try to accept that there are people like Owen Pallett that are great at what they do and that the things that I'm quite good at maybe I will one day be brilliant at and will in some way collaborate with other brilliant people.